DAY 15
Quite hard to believe it has been 2 weeks for me with out any solid food. My stomach is thanking me and my body is filing away and breaking down all the years of over stuffing it.
I only drank water today and had a cup of green tea. Later in the evening I had a teaspoon of coconut oil with kelp granules. I do not recommend this. It is a juice FEAST after all- but it happened. I tend to always mistake the feeling of constipation with hunger so not having the option to eat or chew or crunch on something really brought that feeling to the fore forefront of my guts.
As a child and Thur out my whole life I held everything in so naturally I held in my bowel movements too. Now, I really don't like to let go. After I flush out I feel great but it is the part of actually releasing that makes me feel unsafe and vulnerable.
Since I am the Green Queen and I am all about the rawness of emotions, life and feelings I wanted to get raw with myself. Get down to the nitty gritty of my being. Not taking in any juice today really slowed things down and I felt a lot of hurt and hate while I was doing yoga trying to stimulate a bowel movement. Sometimes I just don't feel like doing an enema-even though I know I will feel better afterwards. It takes a lot out of me. (no pun intended..ha ha)
I love the juicyness of life. The sharing of joyous moments as well as deep seeded issues that most do not want to share or rehash- not even with themselves. A friend of mine was going thru some emotions today and he was a bit resistant in sharing and said,"I always feel cheesy when talking about this stuff" Cheesy! It is freedom! I enjoy talking, sharing & listening to deep rooted hurts and emotions because if I really listen I find that I am "not the only one" It is easy to get self obsessed with our very own issues but expressing really does release.
It is just like meditation. The feeling comes up and one must acknowledge it and then let it pass. To try and stuff it down or make it not real or make it go away is when addictions comes into play. Acknowledge it, face it, thank it and let it pass.
That is what I did today while stretching. I felt vulnerable, exposed and a lot of hate for My parents. I felt exactly how I felt as a small child in the home I grew up in. I felt so deeply in my stomach and thought "i hate you" I wanted to push it aside and go onto the next pose. This is precisely what brought on all my compulsions with food thruout the years. Pushing that hate aside and numbing it out with Doritos and twix.
I have done a lot of forgiveness and internal work surrounding my parents. So I allowed myself to feel the hurt, to feel the pain. I have unconditional love, respect and support for both my mom & dad presently. This feeling of hate had to do with me. It always boils down to me. I concluded that I am at the point to really face, love and forgive me as a little girl. ME at age 5 or 6 and to love me. To nurture that little girl and let her know she did her best. I still feel a bit tender on that subject but my juicyness will only help to facilitate it.
creating a space for unconditional love.
Thank you for reading.
Green Queen keeping it RAW
